Personalizing Your Wedding Ceremony?
By: Crystal and Jason Melendez


The moment you say “I do” and become husband and wife is one of the biggest moments in your lives. Make sure how you do it reflects the two of you and your beliefs, in as unique and personal a way as you can.


Interfaith Ceremonies

The wedding ceremony will be the first of many blended rituals and traditions for you if you and your sweetheart are of different faiths. The communication, planning, and patience required will naturally be higher in these cases than others—between the two of you as well as your families. Be prepared for some extra effort in finding the right officiant, and the extra creativity and thoughtfulness you’ll need to combine both sets of traditions in a way that won’t ruffle any of your family’s feathers. But the higher level of understanding and respect in each other’s beliefs that results will only bring the two of you closer, and make your ceremony that much more special and unique.

The first step will be to talk to one another and discuss your concerns and preferences openly. Be considerate of each other’s beliefs and try to share a genuine interest in both sets of traditions. This is a topic that concerns not only your wedding day but your lives together; make sure you’re both clear on how you will integrate each other’s faiths in your everyday lives and when raising your children.

When you’re at a mutually comfortable point in this dialogue, you’ll need to think about who will officiate your wedding. There’ s a couple different options here: you can look for an open-minded officiant from either of your religions (if the bride has known her parish priest since childhood, for example, you may want to start there) or you could have two officiants, one from each of your faiths. Having co-officiants is a good way to go if you can find willing clergy members on both sides who are receptive to your views and beliefs. They’ll be able to work with you in the sometimes complicated task of combining the culture and tradition of each faith into your ceremony in an appropriate way. If you’re having trouble with a starting point in locating the right officiants, ask around with those you know and trust: chances are someone else has searched for and found officiants willing to perform interfaith ceremonies, and you can obtain a reference. If officiants turn you down, ask them for references of others that might be more open to an interfaith ceremony.

Work with each other’s families. You’ll need to be especially patient and understanding, and may encounter resistance. Solicit suggestions from both sides, in order to make everyone feel involved. But above all, remember not to let others exert their own views and tell you what you’re doing is wrong. This is between you and your sweetheart, and nobody else. Do what feels right to the two of you. Remember, you’ve talked about this and worked it out among yourselves ahead of time, and should stand firm on any decision you make.

If you can’t find the right officiants to work with you to the extent you wish, consider taking the civil route. You’ll be able to fully control what happens during your ceremony, and can pick and choose which traditions and rituals to add from each faith. Finding a civil officiant you like who is open to allowing any number and combination of religious customs that will suit you and your families shouldn’t be difficult

Cultural Additions

Your cultures are an important part of who you are, and they will influence the choices you make when planning your wedding. Discuss your ideas and options with each of your families and make sure your officiant is open to any cultural details and rituals that you may wish to include in your ceremony.


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ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Crystal and Jason Melendez are the authors of e-Plan Your Wedding:
How to Save Time and Money with Today's Best Online Resources
(June 2006; $18.95US; 1-933457-00-3).
For more information, please visit http://www.eplanyourwedding.com

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